...I'm stressed out. Spring break is coming to the end and I haven't really relaxed for a little while. The first three or four days went away without my awareness, and then m and I went to Marshall and bought a pair of shoes. We stopped by the Chinese restaurant and enjoyed the Chinese food (the hot and sour soup did remind me one of my best friends...she <3 sour food). We went to High and got the pics I need for my portfolio...We also hung out with friends to the Korean KTV...except the smoking and overnoisy which made m suffer the next day, we had fun. We had tofu at around 4 am...Still felt the warmth, from the food or the friends. About 9 people were sitting around the table, some of them I've never spoken to and some I've never seen before...felt comfortable though...probably because m was with me or we were too hungry to pretend to be anyone else...
I've becoming more and more sensitive to the word job. Partly because I'm graduating and I hear it and say it over and over, also, I've been looking for one online and just feeling fed up with it...I can't give in though...I need to improve something, something that I think was lost in me long long time ago and is likely to be sought out because of my loved m. The talk with mom this morning destroyed my day, and to some extent, destroyed my confidence as well.
How can I put these in words? I'm so jealous about friends who grew up in an open and friendly family and I'm so reluctant to admit that I'm not one of them. I wished my parents trust me, support me and let me free. I'm feeling more and more resistance to my dad and perhaps one day I'll just leave the house. I'm trying to do what I really want to and have no idea it would lead me further or closer to things I want.
m, to me, has become the person I want to live the rest of life with. He is still a little childish, lacks self-management. However, he is optimistic and decent, which are the traits I admire most. I have no clue how messy my life will be without him. I'm weak, deeply, in heart. He warms me and gives me belief.
Life has showed me of his cruelty. I wish that's the end.
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