Poor...no car...no where...

Recently I've been like a witch...murmuring blah blahs of nonsense...Right this afternoon I got a call offering me the first interview in my life!! Now I just feel that I may not go for it coz I DON'T HAVE A DAMN CAR! ...My parents wanted me back to China and didn't accept my request for buying a used car...They have no idea how convenient to live with a car...oh. well, they definitely know the convenience since both of them got expensive cars...My dad simply just looks down upon me and refuses to spend any dollars on me...my mom...well, she is always a follower. I can't really start a new life if I don't get any job... sign -_-' My bf is even poorer than I am...Now I see the advantages of finding rich bf or husband...if given the chance...I don't know if I would still be involved in the relationship...Why I always encounter people that need my help...Can anyone hear my desperate sceram and help me???

ps: I ran into some article while I was looking for pics of screaming, and I guess it would help me survive for a little while. "The silent scream" by Philly Farmgirl.

Inspiration

I have little memory of how I found blogspot and so many talented bloggers...I have to say I'm addicted to it, much or less...I'm used to the reading on these blogs about fashion, personality, crafts, and things that are conceivable. Every day I am satisfied with the surprises and connections.
The blogs I keep watching constantly are the Clothes Horse and my love for you. The former one is more about clothes obssession an the latter blog posts tons of pics of artwork that you don't even need to go to the exhibition in person!! As a person who considers herself a talented drawer and craftsman, I liked my love for you more and of course, visited it more frequently. Then changes occurred dueto my impatience. My interest in the abstract artworks faded away little by little and now I'm obsessed by clothes. Well...just watching and appreciating...not really able to afford them. Now I'm stating to sell my clothes on eBay, which for me, is not enjoyale experience. It takes time, energy and consideration about details. Made me crazy. And according to my experience you can never expect a good result.
I have been anxious too much these days and why not slow down a little bit and begin the work?? Just be sensible...

being stressed out

...I'm stressed out. Spring break is coming to the end and I haven't really relaxed for a little while. The first three or four days went away without my awareness, and then m and I went to Marshall and bought a pair of shoes. We stopped by the Chinese restaurant and enjoyed the Chinese food (the hot and sour soup did remind me one of my best friends...she <3 sour food). We went to High and got the pics I need for my portfolio...We also hung out with friends to the Korean KTV...except the smoking and overnoisy which made m suffer the next day, we had fun. We had tofu at around 4 am...Still felt the warmth, from the food or the friends. About 9 people were sitting around the table, some of them I've never spoken to and some I've never seen before...felt comfortable though...probably because m was with me or we were too hungry to pretend to be anyone else...

I've becoming more and more sensitive to the word job. Partly because I'm graduating and I hear it and say it over and over, also, I've been looking for one online and just feeling fed up with it...I can't give in though...I need to improve something, something that I think was lost in me long long time ago and is likely to be sought out because of my loved m. The talk with mom this morning destroyed my day, and to some extent, destroyed my confidence as well.

How can I put these in words? I'm so jealous about friends who grew up in an open and friendly family and I'm so reluctant to admit that I'm not one of them. I wished my parents trust me, support me and let me free. I'm feeling more and more resistance to my dad and perhaps one day I'll just leave the house. I'm trying to do what I really want to and have no idea it would lead me further or closer to things I want.

m, to me, has become the person I want to live the rest of life with. He is still a little childish, lacks self-management. However, he is optimistic and decent, which are the traits I admire most. I have no clue how messy my life will be without him. I'm weak, deeply, in heart. He warms me and gives me belief.

Life has showed me of his cruelty. I wish that's the end.